I feel like I should start this off with a disclaimer as I am by no means an expert when it comes to love or relationships. In fact, it’s more like you’re about to witness a blind person give a review on a Van Gogh exhibition. And no, before you’re eager to tell me that maybe that person was in one of those exhibitions especially designed for people with seeing impairments, let me clarify that: no. I am the one here writing the story and for a fact I know when I’m talking about batshit blind.
But back to the juicy stuff. Love or if you’re as fly as me you might be referring to it as Luv. Or heck, it you’re deep in a midlife crisis, but then this probably also isn’t the right blog for you. Just sayin.
As I previously mentioned on here, I had my fair share of heartbreak and as I feel like I’m currently entering a new phase of dating I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want, what I don’t want, red flags, major turn ons and – maybe most of all – major turn offs.
And as we ladies do, I’ve been talking to my girlfriends about that too and what has stroke me the most is that with nearly no exception the most amazing women keep their expectations to a bare minimum.
Like really. We’re not talking about whether he will pick you up on a date and if he gets out of the car when he picks you up and opens the doors or not, but more like ‘will he STOP the fucking car for me to get in?’. Or at least slow down!? Yes shockingly, that’s where we’re at!
And while it’s exactly the women who expect so damn much from themselves (ever chasing that illusive state of perfection even), when it comes to their significant other they are willing to put up with so much less.
And the most striking thing is that when we talk about it we’re even aware of the fact just how messed up this dichotomy is and how crazy it is that we’re willing to accept certain behaviors just for the sake of it.
So while we’re sitting and dreaming up prince charming, the phone beeps with an equally unmotivated text from some dude and instead of just being like ‘thanks, I’ll pass’ there is always this hope in the back of the mind that just maybe, he will come around. Maybe he will change. Maybe it’s just the hard surface and underneath is a soft core filled with delicious Nutella. Who knows? Maybe!?
And in all seriousness I think that we have to partly thank Hollywood for this.
I mean, does this sound familiar:
Girl meets Boy. Boy is asshole, but Girl is smitten. Girl and Boy start dating. Boy is still being an asshole. Girl is sad and after a lot of back and forth they break up. A few weeks pass during which Boy, after drinking himself into oblivion, has a lucidum momentum and figures out that she is THE one.
Boy does everything to win back Girl and shortly after they get married. Insert the wedding where his best man tells the wedding party that ever since Boy met Girl he has changed and become a much better person. Everything just due to Girl. And then they lived happily ever after. THE END.
See, I basically just described the framework of pretty much every single Chick flick you’ll find on Netflix.
And sure, I don’t blame us for this thought pattern. We’ve been conditioned to believe this kind of crap. In fact, when we meet someone who treats us decently we’re the first ones to tell everyone that ‘he’s too nice’. I mean, WTF!? Seriously!?
To be honest, I don’t know if I have any better advice than to just up your game. Raise the standards. When someone doesn’t meet them, bye felicia.
When you’re on a date and all he is talking about is his job, his hobbies, his family, his last holiday, his next holiday, his this, his that, don’t just sit there and smile and nod and come up with witty follow-up questions like ‘oh my god, so tell me what happened when you figured out that your tie wasn’t blue after all!?’ Noooooooo. Leave. Please get the fuck up and leave.
(If you didn’t make it till Dessert, just order it to go and get the heck out of there!)
With that being said I recently stumbled upon this article on the Elephant Journal and the idea to look at platonic friendships and love interests from the same standpoint and with the same expectations is pretty genius. Cause if you consider it, this approach is although seemingly obvious also damn mind-blowing.
If you just think back to some of your past experiences when someone treated you poorly and yet, you still stuck around just because you thought you were in love. Imagine now if one of your best friends treated you like this right this very second. What would you do? Or what if that friend would repeatedly treat you badly? Would you still stick around?
And to use the words of one of my brilliant friends: You deserve a prime rib. That mediocre shit is for the birds.
Can I get an Amen!?