Confession time

Remember my blogpost about dating where I described the scenario with the dude talking about nothing but himself? In my post I was very adamant to let you know what I thought to be the right thing to do in this specific situation. (In case you forgot: just run.)

Well, I must confess. I was in a similar situation a while ago and I am mortified and equally ashamed to admit that I didn’t follow my own advice.

 

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Yes, shame on me. Guilty as charged. I didn’t pack up my belongings and just got the hell out of there. No. I stayed. For THREE painful hours which really felt like three full hours.  We’re talking about a dentist-three-hours-feel.

To make it worse, during all that time we had an awkward “conversation” which was in fact a monologue. I am not exaggerating if I tell you that in all those 180 minutes he asked four questions. And we’re not talking about four really good, deep ones. Mostly small-talk worthy material you’d use to fill the gaps.

However, what was even worse was that while I was answering, I was aware of him not even paying attention. It was obvious that all he was waiting for was his next chance to speak. My answers seemed necessary nuisances he had to endure in order to get back to the part that really mattered: him.

Looking back now, just thinking about this date makes me cringe, ready to crawl into my invisible turtle shell.

 

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Besides the fact that I lost valuable hours of my life, I am most of all annoyed at my own self. I would have thought that I have reached a point where whenever a date or generally a human being treats me like this, I would have the courage to leave.

Seeing how I handled this case got me thinking about what other shitty behaviour I am willing to put up with.

Know how sometimes a good while after a break up, when you’re ready to look at the whole mess and understand what went wrong, you end up with a check list of future no-gos and must-haves.

While I think that this is a valid approach in order to learn something from the pain and to hopefully protect yourself from future drama, I wonder how strong those ideas really stand once you get all heart eyes emoji over someone new.

In my case, I wasn’t even into the guy and looking back now the only reason I can come up with for why I didn’t leave is that I didn’t want to rock the boat. I didn’t want to “causa a scene”. Sadly though, I was willing to feel uncomfortable in order for him to be fine.

Light-bulb moment.

… I was willing to feel uncomfortable in order for him to be fine. 

I guess I didn’t want to be perceived as bitchy, complicated or high-maintenance. And I do realize just writing these words how absolutely foolish this sounds. What if some random dude even walked away thinking that I was any of those?

I don’t want to fall into the stereotype-trap but I do believe that this is more of a female issue. It is ingrained in so many of us that we should be anything but complicated. Anything but challenging.

While we can pin all the inspirational #bossbabe quotes out there, this ain’t shit as long as we don’t really have the courage to rock the boat if necessary. Cause let’s be honest, if he goes overboard at the first slightly rougher sea, boy ain’t built for this boat anyway, right!?

 

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Cheers and Hugs,
Aga

 

 

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